Here are the last days I missed
Smile before bedtime......................................
THE CANNIBALS EAT OUT
Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
Smile before bedtime............................................
OSCAR PISTORIUS - IT HAD TO HAPPEN
Oscar wanted to get a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.
Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on Valentine's Day he had to take her out.
If he gets off this charge it will be the closest shave anyone has had with only 2 blades.
His lawyer's got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like Pistorius hasn't got a leg to stand on.
Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.
Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The IOC say he's a front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.
Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for his Valentine's Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.
New Valentine's Day card: "Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never creep up on Oscar Pistorius."
Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.
New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder … footprints !
She didn't notice Oscar stalking her.. It was the silence of the limbs.
And finally,
Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic!
Smile before bedtime............................................
SHOT TO THE HEART
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.