Triad, trust me, that's exactly what I keep telling myself, I love this community, only reason to still play is because of the friends I have, perhaps myself and other people are the same reason other people continue to play as well, who knows...
I'm not saying this just because i'm i've temporary lost control of my emotions and this is in the heat of the moment, i'm saying it because i'm fed up losing control of my emotions and my life.
I've came to realize that while i'm extremely generous, gifted, talented, and beloved by many in life, i've also been extremely selfish, bitter, jealous and hated by many in life.
The biggest problem is obsessive behaviour, doctor convinced me to take up a course on mental wellbeing which will begin soon and I hope will help me become mentally stronger.
One of my biggest problems in life, I am sure most of you will agree with, is my inability to let things go... Look what happens when I don't get green, and that's the smallest issue.
This year I fell in love, it's hands down the best experience i've ever had in my life, it changed me in a way never thought possible, for the 1st time in my life I thought about having a family, we had everything planned out, everyone said we brought out the best in each other, everyone was happy for us, it was such a perfect relationship until both our mential issues took over and ruined everything after 1 accident. Then I went through the darkest time i've ever had in my life, and i'm still struggling to get back on my feet.
I really do know what I want in life now, and i'm never gonna get it unless I conquer myself.
I thought long and hard about what the 1st change would be, some of you might understand how hard this is for me to do, some of you might not, but from now on I won't choose my colour when playing WA, i'm going to completely ignore it, even now as I write this i'm feeling sick, hopefully none of you will EVER have to feel the horrible things i've had to endure over what to most of you is a simple easy, careless decision, to me it feels like everything and I hate that...
The reason is simple, my music is beginning to take off, and there is NO WAY the industry is gonna put up with me if I act the way I have on WA sometimes, and i'll never find the love of my life and have a family because how can I ever raise a child if I can't even help myself? I got so much to offer the world if I can let go of obsessiveness and addiction. I want to be the good me not the bad me.