The Ultimate Site of Worms Armageddon
Other Things => Off Topic => Topic started by: Rok on February 11, 2010, 12:20 PM
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:)
This one's kinda old, but I guess not everybody knows it and I like it pretty much:
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"
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(http://images.oddlyspecific.com/oddlyspecific/2010/01/129077204324751666.jpg)
xDD
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On a group of beautiful islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, on these absolutely abundant flourishing deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following had occurred:
1 Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "ménage-a-trois".
The 2 German men have a strict schedule of daily alternate visits with the German woman
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/Chinese restaurant/laundry and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The 2 American men committed suicide because the American woman kept on complaining about her body, her hair, the true nature of her feminism, and how she can do anything they can do, if she choose too, the necessity of have a fulfilling relationship, the equal division of the household chores, how standing next to a palm tree makes her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother has improved, why taxes are not fair, and at least it isn't raining.
The 2 Irish men divided the island into North and South and each set up a distillery. They do not care much about sex since it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey and they wake up each morning not sure what happened the night before. . . . . . But, they're both satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
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It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and
told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
;D
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(http://roflcopter.pl/math-jokes.jpg)
Good game. :)
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Nice pics, guys, but when I started this thread I meant the real jokes. You guys do go out occasionaly and hear some, do ya? :o ;)
MI, can you please move this to off-topic, I only now realized I posted in wrong section :-[
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Two indians watch as Columbus sets foot on the new world.
They look at each other, then one of them says: 'If we can't beat them in combat, we'll teach them how to smoke'.
Sorry, a bit lame, but it will make the ones posted after this one look so much better :)
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You guys are boring, come on!
Q: Why do Scotts wear kilts?
A: Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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Off the top of my head: xD
A bee goes into a cat's nose. Cat says: 'Meeooowwzzz'
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A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
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How the captain hooks is dead? Straching her ballz xD
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what do you call a black man who can't rope?
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easy: n@#!!! XDDD
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Taken out of context in some other topic:
and for the browser I use .. IE6 of course !! cuz i love it for his non-respect of css standars and the way he f@#! up the designs !!! :P
lol J/K I use FF 3.6!
It reminds me of this one:
Q: How many Microsoft engineers it takes to change a lightbulb?
A: None, darkness will be the new industry standard.
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what do you call a black man who can't rope?
A Chilean? ;D
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what do you call a black man who can't rope?
A Chilean? ;D
HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA (http://tag.ligaworms.org/Smileys/default/zippytanaxgn8.gif) <- Crazy
im not black , and can rope (http://tag.ligaworms.org/Smileys/default/zippycussing.gif)
(http://tag.ligaworms.org/Smileys/default/zeeeh.png)
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Hehe I know, you are not black, and Chileans are maybe the best nation in the roping schemes :)