Thank you Deadcode for being a genius. Thank you CyberShadow for being another genius. Thank you StepS for being more than a Fast Walk in terms of development. You are steps ahead the walks. Steps ahead flipwalking.
And most importantly, thank you Bloopy for sharing your WA dreams.
My situation is very very specific even though it might not seem. I know there are things here that only I can understand. And I know there are people with greater problems in the world.
FMA, I ain't sure if I fully understand you. I have other situation. In a nutshell: starting from 2013, I still suffer of endless sorrow and pain caused by my unrequited love to 3 girls of my school, who also were the best friends between each other (idk if they're still are). They're adorable and beautiful as hell. And their other classmate girls too. My most loved one of them is an angel, the goddess. I barely could even look at her irl cuz her beauty made me blind. It still does. In 2015 after finishing school I tried once to express my feelings to her. My pain of doing this was so extremely and endlessly huge so I didn't finish my conversation with her and also deleted my profile in the social network I've had the conversation. After that I've never talk to her, but about 2-3 times per year I've visited her profile from my new one and every time I did it I had insufferable pain and desire to die :'( Since 2019 after finishing college I stopped visiting her profile and deleted my new one again.
Some of the things I said to her in that 2015 conversation: "For 2 years I was extremely bloody suffering of my unrequited love to you. I thought I would bloody die in torment, but I'm still alive. I never have loved and hated anybody as much as I loved and hated you.". To the other 2 girls I didn't even try to express my feelings. I extremely love them too, but had much less suffering from my love to them. Especially from the one of them 2 I almost ain't got any pain, but the bright memories and purity
Some might ask why didn't I even try to express my feelings to the other 2 girls and why I even didn't finish my conversation with my most loved one. Doesn't it seem stupid, right? That's why in a nutshell: I'm an extremely sensitive, vulnerable and traumatized person. And I have never before let anybody to know about it. Outside I seem indestructible and without feelings, but inside of me there are: hades, doom, agony, eternal damnation, infernal torment, endless ocean of flame, pain, blood, poison and the blackest sorrow. At 25 and still alive I've never had a girlfriend though I extremely wanted to. I'm so tired of hiding my bloody hell, pain and sorrow. Can't do it anymore. If I do, it shall strike me down
I tried extremely as fuсk to slay my feelings. I've done awful things, desperately trying to do it and disfigured me inside terribly. After almost 11 years of suffering from my tattered love now I finally realize that it's extremely harmful to suppress feelings - that's the long and painful path to nowhere. I realized that if I wouldn't stop going this dangerous path, I shall slowly die in torment, destroyed everything and killed everyone around me. I'm endlessly tired of suffering. I believe there ain't no way to express with words how goddamn much still I love them girls and suffer of it.
FMA, perhaps my story might assuage your pain a little at least. Though we don't know each other, I wish you to be happy and to not commit suicide. Take care and have a nice day, buddy
Thank you, preduestniq. I kind of identified myself with your story partially, but on reverse in a way. I’m just very sorry for not being in the mood to elaborate it.
interesting mentality.. one has an online friend (not a girlfriend, just online friend) that one lost contact with, and one doesn't want to find another online friend/friends IRL cuz that would require time and would need to start all over again with new people (?? ?? )
My experience with Anita in the game is unique and unrepeatable; that’s why. The memories are carved there. And before you ask, no, no one can replace her as it wasn’t even just us, but part of the community too.
judging your words, friends are like an investment for you, in which when you have invested enough, you wouldn't like it to end cuz that would crush your world (?? ?? ) or only that girl you mentioned.
Yes, only she would crush my world as I explained above.
although, you said this gurl is not ur gf, or not sure what you said anymore, there are way too many contradictions in your comments now.. maybe you're just too much of a perfectionist and have difficulties when sth doesn't happen in your way
I think what you call contradictions is actually lack of context.
your relationship with her is already beyond recovery set by your actions.
I had already tried everything, otherwise I wouldn’t have done this act of desperation. My actions are nothing more than the consequence of her actions.
Stop threatening everybody about killing yourself if they don't meet your conditions. you are kidnapping a whole community for your own selfish reasons. and on top of that you are trying to justify it just by saying: ''you guys dont know the whole picture i know more''.
“Selfish”? If my reasons are anything, it’s everything but selfish. And the reason for this is what you just said after: I do know the whole picture; you don’t! I won’t bother writing every single detail of our relation and whatever more.
this went far beyond any reasonable human behavior and what you call: ''a simple favor of you guys''. you are absolutely delusional.
And torturing someone psychologically for 8 years is not beyond any reasonable human behavior. Ha. What other reasonable habits have people been doing these days that I don’t know of? Killing ants slowly at their backyards for fun?
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