Thank you for the support. Kaleu made me laugh because sometimes, I wish I could walk away forever lol. Though we all know this game is too good to walk away from...
This isn't really some whirlwhind heat of the moment thing either. I've spent the last 4 years of my life since my Brother passed away really thinking about what I want in life.
I've been spending my spare time doing impressive, creative and useful things in those last 4 years, I've grown up a lot and learned a lot.
This community gives me like 10% of what I truly desire in life... I have fame and recognition as a player via winning Leagues, awards and also have a few world records that I'm proud of. I have a few friends who are some of the most fascinating people I've ever conversed with. It's a community that allows me to be both a teacher and a student at the same time. I'm not even lying, I've had my fair share of "real life" magical moments with romance, competition, meeting impressive people etc... Yet this game has some of the most thrilling and intense moments I've experience in my life, from making friends, achieving glory as a single player and as a team player. Just some of the hilarious moments that this game is famous for with the kinds of mistakes you see in games that make you actually hurt from laughing... It gives me so much, but in such LITTLE portions and spaced SO FAR between each other that it's kind of like torture, like a drug waiting for more...
If you've ever heard this saying and understand it, Worms Armageddon is like my second home. I feel welcome and that the majority of the things I'm involved in bring happiness and fun to most players those things are aimed at. We all have our haters for whatever reason but there is a lot of satisfaction knowing that I achieve most of the things I try to achieve in this game. It's also a great feeling when you work together with other talented people in the community to achieve even bigger goals and projects together!
It's not enough though...
I genuinely feel like I can contribute something truly special to this world, now I'm not talking about curing cancer or ending poverty worldwide... More that I'm looking for a community that has MORE of the things I like, and less of the things I don't like.
To be involved in organizing or competing in events that draw bigger and more fun & enthusiastic audiences. To share availability with lots of other people with the same hours and make plans on a daily/weekly basis and feel no worry that it's probably going to get cancelled. To know that even if I don't show up, or a few others do not show up, that the event is big enough, popular enough and has enough support that it will still go ahead as planned anyway! To make lifelong friendships with those people in real life in person and go on adventures and journeys together doing other things.
Like, other gaming communities have meetups often and visit hometowns of anything related to their favourite thing... Like, to be SUCH NERDS we would all meetup in Yorkshire where Team17 Headquarters is, and all go out to explore, do activities, then go for a few drinks with some music, dancing, socializing!
That's how I'd LOVE to spend my spare time. I'm becoming desperate to be part of something, I've been thinking for the past month about selling all my PC, gaming, music and streaming equipment as well as some other bits n bobs and starting up a business, or relocating somewhere else in the world and starting from scratch.
How can I explain this lol... It's like, I'm depressed but I'm not depressed... I've got nothing major to complain about at the moment, I've got friends both online and offline IRL, my parents are still alive, I've got an amazing friend Dr. Drake Ramoray the cat, honestly he has me laughing every day, he's a bit clingy at times but that's a good thing, it means he likes me lol. Other than 2021-2023 there's never been a year in my life where I wasn't actively dating a girl so I've always had romance... I've got a roof over my head, entertainment within these walls, freedom to walk about safely(to an extent) outside and socialize.
Yet... I still feel like I'm living at like 10% of what's possible.
Obviously I've got my issues like everyone, many bad things have happened to me, but I'm generally always as optimistic and enthusiastic about being creative, competitive, to teach people, to be on time, in every aspect of my life, not just be respectful to my boss at work, but be punctual for literally EVERYONE, even my enemies.
I want to be part of something bigger!
It's not that anyone here even really does anything bad, yeah you get the odd racist or actual nut... That's very rare, for the most part it's just a chilled out casual community. In a pretty funny twist it's like I'm the kid full of energy always there, always waiting to play, always asking a million questions yelling about a million things all at the same time, and you're all the tired adults who just got home from work and can't be fkn bothered problem solving or being punctual because you just got finished doing those things all day lol.
So yeah, I need a break while I'm chasing some other avenues and opportunities in life and so things can calm down here a bit again.